FML
by Bucken-Berry
Summary: The SVU team has a lot of FML stories to submit.
1. George

Disclaimer: Don't own

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with a woman 10 years my junior. What could possibly be worse than that? I'm a guy. FML

Today, I decided to let one of my co-workers introduce me to someone they described as "perfect for you!". My date turned out to be female. I'm gay. FML

Today, I woke up to find I have lost my voice. I was supposed to appear as an expert witness in court today. FML

Today, I found out the hard way that FBI agents can have their credit cards stolen just like anyone else. What did the theif buy? $900 worth of over-the-counter pain relievers. The irony is, I'm a doctor. FML

Today, I walked into the squad room at the police station I work at to find everyone eating sandwiches. When I sat down next to them, a detective looked at me and asked, "Since when do you leave your office?" I playfully said, "Maybe I'll just go back there, then." He responded by nodding and saying, "That would be nice." He was serious. FML

Today, one of my patients bit me. If I was a dentist I might understand, but I'm a forensic psychiatrist. FML

Today, I caught two people having sex under my desk. One of them was a male co-worker, the other one was a woman I'd never met in my life. FML

Today, due to pulling two all-nighters in a row, I fell asleep on my desk at work. I woke up 12 hours later. Due to the fact that I had been subpoenaed to testify in court, I was found in contempt of court and jailed. I'm an FBI agent. FML

Today, I found out two things. One, ice cream does float. Two, even when someone bumps into you and makes you drop your ice cream cone into a puddle, they may feel they need to punch you for good measure. The good news is, I could have arrested him for assault on a federal agent. The bad news is, his fist hitting my head rendered me unconscious and he got away. I now have a concussion. FML

Today, after joining some cops I work with for a drink at the local bar, the captain of the unit started hitting on me. He's at least 15 years older than me, and widowed. When I pointed out that I'm male and he told me he wasn't gay, he blinked and muttered, "Oh, right..." and walked away. Then a detective started hitting on me. He's married with 5 children. FML

Author's note: I had so much fun writing these! If you like them I may do them for the other characters. ;)


	2. Alex

Today, I dsocvered that just because a judge knows the law, doesn't mean he won't try to bribe you. What was the offer? He'll rule in my favor, if I sleep with him. He's old enough to be my grandfather. FML

Today, someone told me that everyone I work with thinks I like women. I'm bisexual, but what I'm upset about is the fact that they told me about their suspicions by trying to play matchmaker with me and a female co-worker. FML

Today, I realized that every time I ask a man out, he turns out to be gay. FML

Today, I lost a case because the detectives I work with failed to mirandize a suspect. I stayed up for 48 hours, with no sleep, to work on this case. FML

Today, I learned that some people feel it's appropriate to simply walk by with no apology when they spill coffee on your white shirt minutes before a trial. Even if you're the prosecuting lawyer and she's the judge. FML

Today, I learned that just because you work with one of the most emotionally draining police units doesn't mean the detectives are immune from immaturity. That immaturity isn't limited to pranks such as stealing your glasses and videotaping you struggling to find your contact lenses before you have to appear in court. FML


	3. Elliot

Today, my family went to a pro wrestling event. When they did that "kiss cam" event, they put my daughter and a stranger on the screen. She kissed him anyway. FML

Today, I found out that when I get drunk, I almost always drunk-dial. What did I do this time? Called everyone I work with and told them about my undying love for them. I'm going to be sleeping on the couch for the next five years. FML

Today, I overheard my coworkers making bets on when I'm going to snap and kill a suspect and whether that will end my career. My partner bet $100 on me getting my career ended next month. FML

Today, I learned that no one thinks my youngest son is mine. FML

Today, I found out a few years ago, my captain drew a picture of me being a vampire and feeding on a suspect. When I asked why, he explained that it was the only reason he could think of that I'd love attacking suspects so much. He still has the drawing in his office. FML

Today, my wife asked me if I was using steroids. FML

Today, I found out that everyone wants me to leave my wife for my partner. I could make a list of things that are wrong with that, ranging from the fact that she's like my sister to the fact that one of us would have to leave the unit we work with. FML


	4. Olivia

Today, after coming to realize that I desperately needed something living in my apartment, and knowing that with my job it's very unlikely that I'll enter a successful relationship any time soon, I decided to get a pet. I purchased the cutest puppy and brought him home. After spending the night with the little guy, I went to work, and then came home... and now the puppy's missing. Bye, Charlie. FML

Today, someone called me an insult that I had to look up in the dictionary. FML

Today, while babysitting for my partner's kids, I noticed that his youngest was coming down with the chicken pox. I've never had them, and I haven't been immunized either. FML

Today, I was ordered to talk to a psychiatrist. He literally answered everything I said with, "How does that make you feel?" When I got annoyed at him, he grinned sheepishly and explained that he had lost a bet the day before and would be doing this for a few days. FML

Today, I overheard my captain complaining to himself about how my partner and I are losing our marbles. FML

Today, I saw a woman that I've been in love with for a long time, having dinner with another woman. Angry beyond belief, I snapped at her and told her that if she was going to cheat on me, she should at least not go to our favorite restaurant. Along silence ensued, broken only by her informing me that the other woman was her cousin. FML

Today, I fell asleep outside the ME's office while waiting for her to come outside and get me. Upon waking up, I found out that I was supposed to just walk in, and she had gotten fed up and left. I wasted 5 hours. FML


	5. Casey

A/N: It's baaaaaack...

Today, my co-workers staged an intervention for me. Not because of an addiction, but because of my fashion choices. FML

Today, I was playing softball with some NYPD officers. I hit what would have a home run... had it not hit a detective in the head, knocking him unconscious. Did I mention that he and I have a bit of a thing for each other? FML

Today, a dog didn't eat my homework. A guinea pig ate my trial notes for a crucial case. FML

Today was the best day of my life. The person I've been in love with for a year asked me out, I won all the cases I was prosecuting, and I ate a delicious dinner with my friends. Then I woke up. I'm single, suspended as an ADA, and none of my friends talk to me anymore. FML

Today, I went to a bar after work with a few of the detectives I work with. All seemed well, until a guy asked me to sit with him for a while. I did, but when I was ready to go, my co-workers had already left. FML.

Today, I started to sing during my lunch break in my office. My boss walked in, laughed, and told me not to quit my day job. FML

Today, I slept with a man who was an absolute god in bed. Only to find out that he was my deceased ex-fiancee's most hated cousin, who I had never met. FML

Today, someone broke into my house and stole my television, computer, laptop, and just about everything of value. I drove to my best friend's house, who just happens to be a police officer, and spent the night to be safe. While I was there, someone broke into his car and mine and stole everything. FML

Today, a friend of mine asked me to play New Super Mario Bros. Wii with them. All they did was try to kill my character, throwing him into pits, knocking shells at him, and leading enemies to him. When I quit, she killed me a whiny loser and has refused to talk to me since. FML


End file.
